No Dickheads Policy…

A few weeks back we all returned from our Summer Holidays… apologies to our Northern Hemisphere brethren…

There were the standard… How was your break?… Did you get to the Beach?… I couldn’t bear spending another second with my family, thank God Christmas comes only once a year blah… blah… blah… comments floating around the place… and then Luke pipes up with.

‘So what’s your New Year’s Resolution?’ Blank faces. Crickets. Tumbleweeds.

I looked around at the others…

‘Ummm…’ I responded. ‘Didn’t make one.’

‘Me neither…’ That was Nat.

‘Ditto.’ From Jen.

‘Well I did!’ Luke proudly announced… ‘And I plan on sticking to this one.’

‘As opposed to last year…’ I countered. ‘When your NYR was to cycle around Australia? Or the year before… when you were going to be an Astronaut?’

dickhead1‘Very funny… smartarse. No… this year my New Year’s Resolution is to stop working with Dickheads!’

‘That’s me done then.’ I announced, and went home.


Four days later… when I was sick of sulking that no-one enjoyed my joke I returned to the office.

‘Miss me?’ I stated.

‘Where have you been?’ Luke responded… smartarse!

We sat down and Luke actually took me through his thoughts and you know what?… they actually make a lot of sense.

As recruiters we tend to attract a lot of Dickheads – both candidates and clients.

We are in an industry when most of the time we do not get paid unless we deliver. We get desperate, afraid that results aren’t coming… and we fall into the trap of entertaining dickheads…

Try these on for size.

dickhead3Example 1 – the dickhead candidate.

His name is Tits McGee and he has already rescheduled your interview twice… at late notice… but his skillset is just what your client is looking for.

‘So Tits…’ I begin. ‘Is Tits your real name, or a nickname? The reason I ask is that I don’t feel comfortable representing you to market as a nickname…’

He looks at me blankly.

‘No… it’s my real name. Short for Titsov.’

‘Oh… right…’ I stammer. ‘I’m sure you can see that it kind of sounds like a nickname… ummm… apologies… ummm… let’s move on shall we?’

So anyway, the interview goes on. Titsov – Tits for short – tells me that he is looking for more opportunities to sell and develop new clients. Right now he is being stymied in his current role and working mainly candidate side.

‘Great.’ I say. ‘My Clint is looking for someone with your technical background with the desire to step up and develop new business….’

He assured me that was him… we went through all of his figures etc. and he gave me permission to represent.

I organise an interview… which Tits reschedules at late notice. I call the client after for feedback.

‘Sorry Craig… Tits is not for us.’ Hahahahahaha.

‘Really?’ I respond. ‘His background is exactly what you’re looking for. I thought he was a great match.’

‘Yeh… Craig I’m not sure you get our brief.’ The Client admonished. ‘The first thing that came out of Tits mouth… and that was after he was 10 minutes late… was that he didn’t want to sell.’

Tits = Dickhead… and to the Client Craig also = Dickhead!


dickhead2Example 2 – the dickhead client

We had been working with a mid-sized client for a number of years – quite successfully. Let’s call them Limited Recruitment. As part of a re-structure they decided to appoint a National Internal Recruitment Manager. As a first point of business this Recruitment Manager… let’s call him Marv Merchants… decided to go to all recruitment suppliers and tell them they needed drop their fees by 25%.

‘Wow.’ We thought.

Let’s make something clear here. This is a recruitment agency whose own fee structure was much… much higher than what they were asking us to work on… they – if anyone – should get it.

We were working with a candidate who was exactly right for their business, so decided to bend over and accept their terms. We presented the candidate with clear salary expectations, which were re-iterated throughout the process (4 interviews and a psych test). Limited Recruitment, via Marv offered our candidate a package that was a full $15k less than his current salary… Dickheads!


So… I have jumped on Luke’s New Year’s Resolution… No Dickheads!

Life’s too short. I suggest you jump on board too!

Craig Watson


12 thoughts on “No Dickheads Policy…

  1. Mike Watson on Reply

    Just wanted to say thank you for this article this morning, very true and been there a few times in my career.

    It made me smile and realise that I have no more time for dickheads – TITS to all of them I say

  2. Andrew McGregor on Reply

    I ‘m not sure when but a while back on LinkedIn someone posted a post on ‘what 4 words would you say to a rookie recruiter’ I replied with a simple yet effective phrase.

    ‘Don’t be a dickhead’.

    Job done.

  3. Schadd Montgomery on Reply

    Hi Craig…as much as I have enjoyed your blog over the time I have been receiving it. Today I decided to unsubscribe due to this latest post, on top of some other recent ones, due to your obsessive overuse of ‘dickhead’. Only my personal view, and I understand the use in context; as well as that many others will be happy to read it without having any problem with the language used.
    As a word it is also part of my vocabulary, and I use it often enough, however I’m not interested in reading any professional/industry blog post that needs to use it so much to illustrate a point that is as obvious as this one is to express, and also relate to.
    Anyway all the best for now and just wanted to pass on the feedback. Schadd

  4. Schadd Montgomery on Reply

    P.s. …Oh and I forgot the Tits McGEE reference…a pretty neanderthal attitude reflected in using this particular comment in todays professional world, and society in general…can’t imaging your female readers chuckling away at that one…even if they do love Ron Burgundy.

  5. Mark on Reply

    Whatever you write, some idiot with a keyboard will be offended by it.

    Great article,; although not sure how much of a market you’ll have left if you don’t deal with the d1ckheads.
    Maybe a good topic for next time is how to identify, and then get rid of them from the industry.
    Not sure if regulation, or minimum qualification requirements will change anything.
    Perhaps we can start with banning compendiums, fake tan, too much make-up, silicon implants and leopard print clothing. That should remove 70% of the industry.

    1. Schadd Montgomery on Reply

      Interesting assessment Mark, seeing that, as far I am aware, we haven’t met before yet you are happy to label me an ‘Idiot with a Keyboard’ whilst hiding behind the safe confines of the online world…So would this mean that anyone who voices an opinion that is different to yours is an idiot? reminds me of the quote “What you say about others says more about you than them”…good luck with that.

        1. Schadd Montgomery on Reply

          Not back Craig, just a flying visit to acknowledge Mark’s kind words and offer my sympathies to him.

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